I am reasonably happy with the final edit of my short story as writing non fiction is completely out of my comfort zone. Some things I thought I did well were my opening and closing lines. I felt that the first line gripped readers as it left them asking questions, something I found to be a common theme in successful opening writing and I feel that my closing line tied off my short story nicely as it linked back to an earlier point in the piece. I also think that through my research of the horror and slasher genres I was able to effectively create a suspenseful atmosphere by allowing the reader to be privy to Tom’s plans and being unpredictable. Something I feel I could have done better was making better use of my Macguffin, which was of course the deck light. Despite referring to it several times and the act of Tom breaking it driving the story, it was a large part of the brief and I feel it could have been more obvious.

Short story

Hordes of them come and go every day and its always the same damn thing. Groups of ungrateful women stay here and party and break things and then get me to come and fix them without so much as a thank you. When I first started working at the chalet park, I had some hope. I used to approach these beautiful women and shoot my shot, even asking to join them in the hot tubs some nights but I was only ever met with laughter, aggression and ultimately rejection. I was never any good with girls, ever since school but as I’ve gotten older the chance of finding happiness with a woman has dwindled. Online it’s called being an INCEL but it’s generally younger men on the forums and talking to them can make me feel worse. The lonelier I get, the angrier I become. Having to be around them all day, be polite and smile so that I don’t lose my job and all without getting a second thought from any of them, it’s becoming too much. They’re generally all I can think about. They starved me of affection for my whole life so why should they get to be happy? A new group arrived today, four sisters I think, each as attractive and as stupid as the next. Last night whilst they unpacked, I broke a bulb near their tub so that they will have to look up my number and get me to come and fix it. I hope I’m wrong about them, they’re going to be the last chance I give women before I act.

“Good morning!” the chirpy blond said, “You must be Tom, right? Maintenance?”

“That’s me, what can I do for you girls?”

“The light near the hot tub is smashed, we couldn’t see a thing out there last night so didn’t get to use it… You got a spare?” She replies with a hopeful smile.

“That’s what I’m here for.” I start walking outside with my duffle bag to change the light, and she follows me. The youngest of the sisters, twins with red curls are already out on the deck sunbathing, it’s hard to keep my eyes away.

“Brilliant! I’m Georgie, and they’re Lucy and Sam” the twins give a little wave “our older sister Jess is in the house too somewhere getting ready for the festivities. We’re here celebrating my engagement!” She holds out her hand to show me a sizable rock, that’s one less prospect.          

“Congratulations, I hope you ladies have a good weekend. Right, If that’s everything?” I say expectantly, hoping they’ll ask me to stay for a cup of tea.

“Yep, that’s it, cheers!”

As I was walking down the stairs from the deck, one of the sunbathing girls lets out a giggle and calls “You’re our saviour!” making a hunger stir within in me. I’ll have to hurry back to the cabin and satisfy it before I can go back to watch them.

It’s dark now but I can still see them from the trees, their skin illuminated under the new deck light. The four of them selfishly laugh and clink glasses whilst sat in the bubbling water, why are they so happy? How do they have so much power over me, to make me feel such deep anger and lust at the same time? I stand and watch them for a while, I could’ve sworn the oldest one look straight at me and smiled but I dismiss it, I’m perfectly hidden. When they finally go back inside, I walk silently up to the deck and take the wet towel that was half hanging from the edge as a souvenir before retreating into the darkness. It’s decided, they are going to die.

When I woke up this morning, the towel still damp on my pillow, I felt I’d been given a new lease of life. I’ve decided to pick them off one by one, that’ll be easiest. I’ll wait until they’re drunk and tired. When there’s only one left in the hot tub I’ll quietly drown her before going inside with the wood axe and making my way around the rooms. Not the cleanest of methods granted but I will enjoy it, my day of reckoning.

It’s time. It’s time to reap vengeance against the fairer sex. There’s nothing fair about them! I breathe on the blade of my axe and rub it with the back of my sleeve, watching the edge catch the light one last time before I leave the cabin. Just as planned, I wait and watch as they chatter and slowly slink off one by one until there’s just one girl left. One of the twins, Sam. Perfect. I’m excited inching up the stairs of the deck, each step is one closer to wrapping her silky ginger hair around fingers and pushing her under the water. Wait… she’s turning around.

“Hello Tom”

What? She’s laughing! What the fuck?

I open my eyes, it’s so bright and my head hurts. I try to get up, why can’t I move? I see that I’m on one of the chair’s in the chalet, thick black tape around my wrists and ankles. Shit.

“I wouldn’t try getting out of it, this isn’t our first rodeo!” The oldest sister Jess is speaking but the others are here too. “I’m guessing it is yours though Tom? Georgie saw you breaking that bulb and knew we’d get to have some real fun this weekend. Careless.” She gave me a tight squeeze on my forearm whilst she said it and even though my heart sank at my own stupidity, I realise this is the first time a woman who isn’t related to me has touched me.

One of the twins is stepping forward to talk, it’s hard to tell which when I’m in so much pain.

“I do love our family traditions!” They all coo and get into a group hug whilst I sit there defeated, the irony.

“I think the bride-to-be should do the honours!”

 I watch Georgie as she goes over to the table to get what I can only assume is a weapon. I heard the sound the metal made as she picked it up. I laugh to myself as she walks over to me, I really was wrong about these ones.

Think about the bending of your story; the last sentence is just as crucial as the first and will need to ‘hook’ the reader. Move on from the last sentence and develop the last 100 words to deliver the impact of the story.

Objectives

1. (All) Research the last lines (Spoiler Alert!) of famous novels. Compare and contrast – add notes to Blog

Writing an ending line is just as important as the opening but for quite a different reason. When writing an opening it is your job to entice the reader to keep reading, but when writing a closing line you have to make sure that it ends your story with a flourish and does not ruin the work before it. It is important to keep it short whilst tying up loose ends so your story does not outstay its welcome. Here are some examples of famous closing lines:

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

The Great Gatsby, F.Scott Fitzgerald

“After all, tomorrow is another day.”

Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell

“The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

Animal Farm, George Orwell

“Very few castaways can claim to have survived so long at sea as Mr. Patel, and none in the company of an adult Bengal tiger.”

Life of Pi, Yann Martel

(All) Look at the story of a peer and supply feedback on their final line

I read Shona’s final line to provide my feedback and this is how it reads,” As I geared up to take my leap for freedom, I decided not to aim for the bins, and jumped.”

The feedback I gave her is that it was a very dark and fitting ending for her short story but I encouraged her to re-word it and to be careful of grammatical errors.

Aim

Think about the beginning of your story; the first sentence is crucial and will need to ‘hook’ the reader. Consider the first 100 words to establish the tone of the story.

Objectives

1. (All) Research opening lines to famous novels. Compare and contrast – add notes to Blog

A narrative hook is a literary technique in the opening of a story that “hooks” the reader’s attention so that they will continue reading. The opening may consist of several paragraphs for a short story, or several pages for a novel, but ideally it is the opening sentence in the book. Here are some hooks from famous novels:

“It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn’t know what I was doing in New York.”
Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar 

The opening of the Bell Jar is effective as it drives readers to question why it was an odd summer and why she was in New York, as well as setting the cynical tone for the novel.

“Dear Anyone Who Finds This, Do not blame the drugs.”

—Lynda Barry, Cruddy

The opening line of Cruddy is written in the style of the letter, addressing the reader and forging a connection that implores them to continue reading. The next part reading “Do not blame the drugs” makes the reader question what the need for blame might be and also making them want to read on.

“Chris Kraus, a 39-year-old experimental filmmaker and Sylvère Lotringer, a 56-year-old college professor from New York, have dinner with Dick _____, a friendly acquaintance of Sylvère’s, at a sushi bar in Pasadena.”

—Chris Kraus, I Love Dick

The opening of I Love Dick is quite different to the two openings previous as instead of relying on enigma to draw in the reader, it sets the scene and establishes the characters very bluntly. This characterization alone, due to the nature of the characters work and lifestyle, is enough to intrigue an audience.

“Your father picks you up from prison in a stolen Dodge Neon, with an 8-ball of coke in the glove compartment and a hooker named Mandy in the back seat.”

—Dennis Lehane, “Until Gwen”

This particular hook is effective as is directly addresses the reader using personal pronouns, as oppose to indirectly like in the opening to Cruddy. The direct address forges a connection with the reader and makes them want to read on.

1. (All) Look at the story of a peer and supply feedback on their opening line

I looked at Shona’s story, her opening reads,” He went on a night out and lost his key last week, so he’s been using mine to lock the flat, which has been fine, I mean, he didn’t mean to lock me in, he forgot I didn’t have a key. He is forgetful. “

The feedback i gave is that it was a good hook in that I wanted to read on because it reads as panicked and made me question if it was true when the character said “he didn’t mean to lock me in”.

Aim

Plan and write a short outline of your story with a clear beginning, middle and end.

I want my story to be a twist on the modern slasher, taking inspiration from a recent trip to stay in a holiday home.

It will be about a maintenance man who lives and works on a holiday park, his job being the upkeep of the holiday chalets and their hot tubs. He has become increasingly frustrated in his role and his scarpered attempts to connect with women that come to stay there over the years, resulting in a unhinged attitude towards the opposite sex. When a group of sisters arrive to stay in one of the chalets for a long weekend, he becomes obsessed with them, stalking them and planning to murder them in classic slasher fashion. However, in his infatuation with the women he fails to notice that something is off about them too and it is revealed that they had been planning to capture and murder him the entire time, with which they are successful .

Objectives

      1.(All) Find any links to story outlines to assist your own work and add to blog. Consider looking at the written synopsis or plot summary of a book; one that clearly outlines the beginning, middle and end, including twists. NOTE: These are not the blurbs on the back of a book.

Great Gatsby plot overview

https://www.sparknotes.com/lit/gatsby/summary/

      2. (All) Based on what you have found, define what the story is about. This will include the following:         

– Is there a MacGuffin at the centre of the story?

The Macguffin in The Great Gatsby could be considered to be Gatsby himself as Nick is intrigued to find out about his illusive neighbor, which once they meet drives the rest of the story.

          – Who are the characters?

Nick Carraway – Narrator

Jay Gatsby – Protagonist

Daisy Buchanan – Love intrest

Tom Buchanan- Antoagonist

Jordan Baker

Myrtle Wilson

George Wilson

          – What is the conflict?

The conflict is that Gatsby has made his life to be with Daisy Buchanan but she won’t leave her cheating husband, this results in her accidentally killing her husbands mistress, Myrtle, with Gatsbys car after an argument between the three of them. Gatsby is blamed for hit and run and is killed by Myrtle’s husband.

      4. (All) Apply to your own story ideas:

          – What is the MacGuffin at the centre of YOUR story?

          – Who are the characters in YOUR story?

Tom- Maintenance Guy at the chalet park, mid-30’s, misogynist, general creep and pervert

Lucy and Sam- Youngest sisters (early 20’s), twins, bubbly, red haired

Georgina- Middle sister (mid 20’s), recently engaged, blond

Jessie -Oldest sister (early 30’s), ‘girl next door’, confidant, leader, also blond

          – What is the conflict within YOUR story?     

Tom’s inner monologue/ moral conflict as he stalks the sisters and begins plotting their murder.

   

1. (All) Inside Adams Building search for 3 ‘random’ objects. Photograph and upload onto a new blog entry

Instead of taking picture inside the Adam building, I took picture of objects in my house.

1. (All) Outside, across town, search for 3 more ‘random’ objects. Photograph and upload onto blog entry

1. (All) Brainstorm each object, listing key characteristics

Ceramic Mask– Harlequin pattern (black, red and white), Venetian style, Long wrinkled nose, Creepy

This Venetian style mask could inspire a short period romance about a female socialite attending a masquerade ball where she meets and develops feelings for a man in a similar style mask and has to try and find out his identity after the ball. The macguffin in this case would be her mysterious lover’s identity.

Bell– Small, Metal (silver in colour), Shiny, Loud

This bell is the type used in hotels to gain the attention of the receptionist. Taking this idea, I could write a short story about a man working as a hotel receptionist who hate his job and is slowly driven mad by the incessant ringing of this bell by rude upper class customers.

Clock– Big, Retro, Plastic, Black and white, Roman numerals, Broken

As the clock is broken and stopped at quarter to 9, I could use this to write a paranormal story in which a young couple moves in to an old, haunted apartment where things slowly start to go wrong, one of the first signs being the clock stopping at this time (could be the time of death of the spirit who is haunting the apartment).

Lion– Large, Stone, Grey, Cold, Carved, Majestic

As the lions on Market Square are important to lots of Nottingham locals and many will remember sitting on them as children and pretending to ride them, I would create a story set from the perspective of an imaginative child who goes on an adventure riding on the back of a lion. I would write it as a fantasy but it would become clear at the end that it was just a statue and a big imagination.

Bench– Wooden, Old, Mottled, Picturesque

My immediate thought when looking at the picturesque setting of the bench would be for a meet-cute style romance story, however after thinking more about it I would write a story in a similar style although about an lonely elderly man who eats there when walking his dog, but he meets a young mum and her daughter and gradually become friends.

Robin Hood Statue– Metal, Green (worn over time), Old, Stone base, Icon

I would definitely write a story about Robin Hood but rather than doing a classic ‘robbing from the rich to give to the poor’ story, I would write from his perceptive as he is trying to escape the sheriff’s men before being finally captured.

1. (All) Exploring ideas work on ‘lateral thinking’ exercises to push ideas and concepts further

Lateral thinking is a way of solving problems using an indirect and creative approach through reasoning that’s not immediately obvious. It involves ideas that may not be obtainable using only traditional step-by-step logic

1. (All) Summarise what a MacGuffin is

A Macguffin is a plot device or event used in fiction writing that serves only to further the plot. A true Macguffin is an arbitrary object, event or character that motivates the early stages of the plot but is forgotten about by the end, for example the stolen cocaine in True Romance or the briefcase in Pulp Fiction. Some believe that a Macguffin should have almost as much importance to the audience as the characters following a film commentary where George Lucas refers to R2D2 as a Macguffin, causing many to view things such as the one ring from The Lord of The Rings or Rosebud from Citizen Kane and creating confusion around the definition.

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.